May 30th, 2009: In which catastrophe strikes, Bella's very life is at stake, and... the Edwards blow it.

Keep in mind that we're dealing with sparklepire super-speed here, which is the only way I can justify those two asshats FIGHTING at a time like this--perhaps they thought they had time to hash it out and then save Bella. Actually, I doubt they were thinking at all, because their rumble took the form of wrestle-crawling their way towards the table-shelf, and if either one got ahead, the other one grabbed him and pulled him back. And don't think that The Littlest Edward was the noble put-upon hero either--as you've already seen, when His Bella is at stake, he can summon some crazy-ass super-strength, and he was dragging Tonner Edward back by the ankle just as vehemently as a sparklepire three times his size. And meanwhile, there's Bella faaaaalling, faaaaallinnnnng, and here I am making a succession of WTF faces in slo-mo.

Featuring

• The Littlest Bella
• The Littlest Edward
• Tonner Edward
• Serafina Pekkala

Notes

• I confess: Tonner Edward's "presence" in the picture of Bella's kitchen was not planned. It's actually a completely unrelated shadow that I didn't even notice until after I'd posted the previous entry--a few hours later, I was looking over it again and went, "Hey, that kind of looks like a person OH HEY." Unlike the picture of the books in that other entry, this wasn't a Hidden Edward I was expecting you to find.

• In the Twilight books, Edward can't hear Bella's thoughts because, as it turns out, that is her Magical X-Men Power: mental blocking, which she does without knowing. After she's informed that she's doing it (see Breaking Dawn), she learns to control it so that she can extend her "shield" to protect other people--and move it away from herself so that Edward can finally get to hear her thoughts. Which are about sex.

• Yeah, she also talks in her sleep, as described. For people just joining us, I'm not making up the bit about the rocking chair (see Home on the Range). Just click the in-text link, I'm serious.

• The title comes from the Once song "Falling Slowly," which won the Best Song Oscar a couple of years ago. The version mentioned under "Current music" is the Kris Allen cover from American Idol this season, however (SHUT UP, OKAY). Other songs I considered were Pretty Poison's "Catch Me, I'm Falling" (too on-the-nose) and the Peter Cetera/Amy Grant duet "Next Time I Fall" (I SAID SHUT UP).

• Yeah, this installment's supposed to be the doll version of the Death Van scene in Twilight/Midnight Sun. My original idea (outlined before I had any of the Twilight dolls) was to have Anna boot Bella off the shelf instead (and have The Littlest Edward successfully save her).

• Tonner Edward wants to carry The Littlest Bella in a Snugli (the baby carrier), not a Snuggie (the blanket with sleeves. In fact, I have a weird feeling that he would find those incredibly tacky). I had totally forgotten about that whole phenomenon--the wearable blanket--and didn't realize people would be confused until I read the entry comments.

• The cactus is a movie addition, which I totally thought Bella would confide in ("We're gonna be all right, pet cactus"). It cracked me up on the DVD commentary when Kristen Stewart actually said she thought Bella should have talked to it.

• "As if [Tonner Edward] had lost a battle": The Littlest Bella is specifically referring (in her sleep) to "his rival's cookies" (and their sprinkles) that The Littlest Edward left her in Boys Wanna Fight.

Icons

See also

• Dolls

• The Secret Life of Dolls