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January 9th, 2009: Good Things, Small Packages 

Hot Topic - Twilight Edward Action Figure; The Next Object Of Your ‘Twilight’ Obsession: Edward Cullen Dolls. People! I have been talking about the NECA figure--Edward Dollen v1, thank you very much--since SEPTEMBER. Where has everyone BEEN? It's like no one's even paying attention to the fast-paced world of terrifying celebrity dolls!

Eowyn sidles up to me with a sly look on her face. "He's starting to grow on you, isn't he?"

Anna looks over from fencing with Elizabeth. "Yeah, like a fungus."

Yeah, he's kind of... kind of... well, look at him. He kinda gives me the wig, you know what I'm saying? And he is only seven inches tall, remember?

"Yes, but Elizabeth's four inches taller than Anna and they get along just fine." (Aw. She said "they," not "we." I'm kind of sad now.) "Lyra and Iorek too, even though he only comes up to her knee." (That reminds me--I still need to get the skyfoil for Iorek.) "And he's a lot less expensive. $16.99 plus shipping--you're probably looking at about $20 there, and that's two people going to a movie, right? Whereas Tonner Edward's going to be--what? $139.99 or something?"

You're a little too familiar with these numbers, Eowyn. I'm just saying.

"Look, I'm not the one trying to buy sparklepires in doll format. I'm just saying."

Arwen's looking at the pictures from over my other shoulder. "I wonder if she's concerned that a taller Edward might run off with Ellowyne or Elizabeth or something?"

"Keep him, I don't want him!" shouts Elizabeth over from the printer table practice field. Man, she's got good hearing.

Eowyn ignores them both studiously. "Look, all I'm trying to say is that if you're going to buy us an Edward, any Edward, you're gonna have to get on with it because you know these crazy women will snap them up--"

"And do terrible things to them."

"--or they're going to end up scalped on eBay if nothing else."

"That's horrible! And he has such nice hair!"

What? What does his--no, no! Like, "resold for outrageous prices"!

"That's not very nice either!"

"AS I WAS SAYING, if you're going to get one, and you're always whining about not having enough money anyway, you're really going to not have enough money when the only Edward you can get is from some asshat reseller. I mean, you remember paying out the nose for White Arwen as it was, and how long did it take you to track her down?"

SHHHH! NOT SO LOUD, OKAY?

"And you know you're going to get him," she says, leaning in closer. I'm a little weirded out because I've never seen Eowyn stage this kind of charm assault before. "One or the other or both. You know this. You have six of us and you never wrote about Lord of the Rings the way you've written about Twilight. And I haven't lived on your shelf for six years without learning a little bit about how sentimental you get about stuff. You want mementos of everything. Come on. You know you're going to get one. So you might as well get the cheap one."

Yeah... she's a little rusty with this "charm" thing.

"Please?"

OKAY, OKAY! YOU GOT ME. The red hot second I can dig up some money, and I have a couple of things I meant to put on eBay like an asshat reseller anyway, I will get you a damn cheap-ass Edward--look, what is it NOW?

"I want you to reconsider this Cloverfield thing."

NO!

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