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March 24th, 2009: All Quiet on the Shelfian Front

So. Even though I did my best to exonerate The Littlest Edward of blame, the fact is, he was obviously guilty as charged, and even those who came to understand why he did it still couldn't get the image of Edward gnawing on poor little Iorek out of their heads. But then, I think integrating Edward into Shelfian society proper was probably a lost cause anyway--none of the male denizens wanted anything to do with him even before his disgrace; Faramir hated him even then, and now he's got sworn enemies in Anna and Lyra; Elizabeth still felt too conflicted about Anna's mental instability to want anything to do with him either way; and Purple Arwen simply said, "I'm not getting involved in that."

So there were only three people who had any pity on Edward at all--one of whom was White Arwen. This surprised me a little, given that she had been the one to heal Iorek and thus saw the damage Edward had done him first hand, and yet--well, if you know White Arwen, it makes sense. That's just how she is. Very understanding, very forgiving, and very chill. Pulling out my sewing kit seems to have reminded her that she likes to sew, and since I've never used it and never will, I told her she was free to do whatever she wanted (just to make sure she doesn't leave needles lying around for me to step on), so she's started working on a banner for Fugagorn. And because she's a sweetheart, she asked Edward and his Velvet Voice to read to her while she sews (currently: The Trumpet of the Swan) once she saw that he was being roundly shunned. I'm just hoping he doesn't fall in love with her or anything, given that he most likely has a thing for brunettes, because I just can't deal with that drama right now.

(DEAR NECA: PLZ TO HURRY UP AND RELEASE THE BELLA FIGURE, SERIOUSLY.)

Galadriel was the next to take pity on The Littlest Edward, and I think White Arwen was instrumental in that--not that she said anything about it, but I think Galadriel wanted to keep an eye on things (the safety of her granddaughter was at stake here, after all), but also wasn't going to be outdone in matters of grace and mercy. And also, I had done a pretty good job of pushing her guilt buttons, so she may have taken it upon herself as Den Mother of The Shelf to take him under her wing. Not that she started tucking him into bed or anything, but she kept a watchful eye, and she was kind to him in passing.

The third person with any sympathy whatsoever for The Littlest Edward was, of course, Eowyn. She kept her distance for a while, though--I think she had really, really been disappointed in him over the Iorek thing. I mean, I don't remember Book!Edward ever slipping up like that--he was always being tempted, but never giving in, because he is a perfect cupcake gentleman Adonis, etc. So for The Littlest Edward to actually screw up, well--she was both disappointed in him as a storybook hero and as someone she thought could be trusted. Which is her own fault, honestly, because it's not like he doesn't go around all the live-long day meebling about What a Dangerous Monster He Is Omg.

Of course, once she processed her disappointment, she rapidly switched from He's a Perfect Gentleman to He's a Bad, Bad Boy. You can imagine how things went from there. (Hint: Crushing glares of manpain from Faramir's general direction.)

"Look at him," she sighed. Edward was moping industriously, straightening my paperbacks like a tiny librarian. "He's an outcast! Rejected! Shunned! He's suffering!"

"Honey, he's always suffering. He can't be happy unless he's suffering."

"I don't believe that," she said stalwartly. "In the first book, on page 191, paragraph eight, he says that his parents 'are happy to see him happy.' And on page 200--"

"E, if you're going to cite chapter and verse, please note that he is happy because he is in love with Bella."

She didn't like hearing that very much.

Serafina, meanwhile, is commendably mellow about the whole thing. She's here to protect Lyra, and even beyond that she's very pleased to be reunited with her, but--witches are just not excitable people. They have the serene perspective of the long-lived--which is why I think Serafina and Galadriel immediately hit it off. And since Galadriel had taken a special interest in Lyra, they had that in common already. And while Serafina is a bit more wary of The Littlest Edward than Galadriel at this point, she seems generally unconcerned about him. She's here to take care of Lyra--insofar as Lyra needs taking care of, since she's a pretty tough little nut--and Serafina will cross that sparklepire when she comes to him.

In fact, if anyone's ruffled, it's Edward. "Could you PLEASE ask the Queen of the Witches of Lake Enara to put on some clothes?" he demanded through gritted teeth. "It's indecent."

"Technically, she's entirely clothed. I mean, she's got leggings, for God's sake."

"But they're so--transparent and--fleshy."

"Well, stop looking at her, genius."

"But she's RIGHT THERE," he groaned, and to be fair, he'd had to come over to my desk to make this request. I'd brought a stack of books over to the file cabinet (in hopes of getting back to my novel-writing), and Serafina had made them her new perch. "She is insufficiently appareled FOR EVERYONE TO SEE."

"It's really not going to do any good, talking to her. Witches just don't care about earthly considerations like clothes. You're lucky she's not going totally Lady Godiva."

He made a face of piteous horror.

"Look, I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you," he said. "Now, if you will excuse me... I feel kind of funny."

Well, at least by the time The Littlest Bella gets here, I can be sure he's gone through puberty. 

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