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July 16th, 2009: Show and Tell (Alternate Version)

 

This was the original, fully completed draft of "Show and Tell." Due to lighting and location complications, the story had to be rewritten around the new setting. The new version also has the Middle-earthers and the "golf clap," which were not in the original. The parts that had to be changed are in red.

 

 

 

Previously on The Secret Life of Dolls: LITTLE EDWARD'S SECRET REVEALED.

 

 

Bella stared at him. Then she stared at him some more. Then she said, her voice husky with fascination, "Really?"

 

She came closer--reached out, eyes gleaming--almost covetously--

 

"No, you must not--!"

 

"But it's true? You're really a vampire? Where are your fangs?"

 

"I don't have any--I'm a very particular kind of vampire." She edged even closer. "No, you really shouldn't--"

 

"And I'm the most beautiful girl you've ever smelled?"

 

"You... you don't think that's... creepy? Or disgusting? Or perverted?"

 

"Well, not anymore!" By this time she had already hooked her fingers under his lapels and was leaning in, lips parted, for the kill--

 

"NO, DON'T DO THAT."

 

She stopped, pouting. "Can't you just bite me a little?"

 

"NO! IF I BIT YOU, YOU WOULD DIE IMMEDIATELY IN TERRIBLE, RABID AGONY! I CAN NEVER EVEN KISS YOU! YOUR LUSCIOUS FREESIA FLAVOR WOULD OVERWHELM ME AND I WOULD TEAR YOU TO PIECES!"

 

"Okay, we're going to need to renegotiate this kissing thing--"

 

"FIVE MINUTES AGO I WAS 'YOU FREAK'!"

 

"Well, you're not now," she purred--he faltered--

 

"No! No! Everything about me is designed to lure you in! I am the Venus Fly Trap of vampires! I am a pitcher plant of love. You must run, you must hide, you must save yourself!"

 

"As if she could run from you, Edward," I said, because somebody had to.

 

"WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING ME?" he shrieked. "TELL HER!"

 

"It's true. He really is very dangerous. He nearly deplushinated a polar bear a few months back."

 

"Really?" she said, starry-eyed.

 

"THANKS A LOT!"

 

"Why don't you show her?" I said, really starting to enjoy myself. "Show her your insect-catching mucilage."

 

"... what?"

 

"Your--" I wiggled some spirit fingers at him. This is, of course, the international gesture for "sparkle."

 

He heaved a martyrious sigh. "I suppose I must--come on!" he said, and grabbed her by the arm.

 

"WHOA! Okay, weirdo, I've got two left feet but I can walk."

 

So together they climbed down the stairs to the front door (she did trip about seven times, but allowed him to catch her by the elbow now that she knew he was a sexxxy vaaaampiiiiiiire), which has two long windows running down either side--you've seen it--and pulled up the blinds (he looked like a tiny Quasimodo ringing the bells of Notre Dame). I went with them because there was no way I was going to miss this.

 

"Perhaps this will make you understand," he intoned, stepping into the sunbeam, "that I was created to attract you--to destroy you--that I have--THE SKIN OF A KILLERRRR!"

 

 

[Intended picture, not taken: similar to the Legolas silhouette picture in "A Diversion."]

 

 

"I can't--you've got a silhouette thing going--"

 

"Oh--sorry, let me--you stand over there, does that work? ...A KILLERRRRRRR!"

 

 

 

[Intended picture, not taken: TLE in the sunbeam from the window.]

 

 

 

Maybe it was just my imagination, but I thought I heard an echo of windchimes.

 

Bella made a sound of surprise I can only transcribe as Oh~eugh.

 

"I know, right?"

 

"Yeah... that's really... something. I definitely believe you now."

 

He stepped forward, out of the sunlight. "So... now you see... what a terrible monster I am."

 

"Eh," she said. "I'm clumsy; you have a glitter condition. Nobody's perfect."

 

"I'm also A VAMPIRE!"

 

"Can you sparkle with your shirt off?"

 

"NO!"

 

He drew back but she leaped forward, grabbing his coat again--perhaps she thought she would test the Shirtless Hypothesis for herself--then fell flat on her face as he ducked right out of her arms with his supersparklespeed and fled. She rolled over onto her back, heedless of the faceful of parquet she'd just eaten, and sighed dreamily, "Oh, he's so athletic."

 

 

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