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10,000 BC

Page history last edited by PBworks 13 years, 7 months ago

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March 9th, 2008:

 

And all of this happens because Evil Arabic Slavers came on horses (wait, horses?) and stole Camilla Belle, Delay's Woman, away, but then Evil Arabic Slaver in Chief falls in love with her, and he tries to keep her for himself instead of letting the Not-Egyptians make her build pyramids (with... WOOLLY MAMMOTHS?), and this pisses off the Not-Actually-Almighty, who wishes he was as fierce as Xerxes. Xerxes would take one look at this fool and tell him right out, bitch, that floor-length veil is so five eons ago. Get the hell out with those tacky, broke-ass gold nails! You can't rule people as a false god unless you are willing to get out there on that 24-karat parade float and WORK IT. So it's the kind of movie where the Big Bad is pretty subpar and dies pretty instantly in a spear-throwing scene ripped directly from 300, and someone on the hero's side got sacrificed earlier on (note: shoving someone off a half-built pyramid: really, really lazy method of human sacrifice) and I was supposed to feel sad but I didn't because I had no idea which of the Dread People he was, and even Camilla Belle dies but then her Fairy Godmammoth comes and restores her, yea verily, because the Jamaican Priestess Lady back in the snow mountains gives Camilla Belle her last breath. Telepathically. Something. And then the Ice Age is over and everyone touches foreheads soulfully and plants corn. You think I'm shitting you, but let me tell you, I am so not even.

 

 

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