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What are Movies in Fifteen Minutes?
What are they?
Well, they're script-format parodies of various movies. Theoretically they're short ("fifteen-minute") versions of the movies, but... well, you may not read as quickly as I do, let's put it that way. To say they sometimes go long is an understatement.
How did you start writing them?
See Movies in Fifteen Minutes (history). I will say, though, that the entire concept of the thing began with me sitting down at the computer, opening Semagic, and typing out what would become the bit in Van Helsing where Anna and Velkan are debating whether they need more than one gun. I was going to keep it to that scene, and then maybe two or three, just as a little bit of fun in my journal, and then it turned into a whole thing. But that, to me, is what Movies in Fifteen Minutes is about: "Are you sure we only need one gun, with one silver bullet, in the hand of the last male heir of our line?" "Nah, it'll be fine."
Why are you making fun of these movies? Did you hate them that much?
This really is a Question I was Frequently Asked back when I was starting out, and the answer is: no. Quite honestly, I love Van Helsing and have watched it many, many times. But then, I don't think it's a good movie; I just think it's awesomely bad.
Do you always do bad movies, or can you do good ones, too?
You know, I used to say that bad movies were easier than good ones, but it finally occurred to me that it has almost nothing to do with the quality of the movie. It's all about absurdity--I finally realized that that's a huge part of my sense of humor, and why I'm always laughing at things that are not, strictly speaking, "funny." (You know how people laugh and then clap their hands over their mouths and say, "I'm sorry, that wasn't funny--I mean, it wasn't funny-funny..."? Yeah. That's me.) Bad filmmaking is in and of itself absurd, but I have also seen bad movies that were dull as dirt, and I wouldn't want to bother with them. There are fantastic, Oscar-winning movies that still have elements of absurdity--Lord of the Rings comes immediately to mind--even if it's just because life is absurd, and real people do bizarre or stupid things. This is how you can make fun of a movie that's good and/or one that you like.
Why did you leave out my favorite part?
Was it already funny? Because if it was already funny, there's your answer right there. If not, I tend to leave out the things that I do because they don't fit the flow of the overall idea that strikes me. For example, if you only read 300 in Fifteen Minutes and didn't see the movie, you would have no idea that Leonidas had a young son.
Why do some of them run so long?
This is probably my biggest weakness as a writer, at least in terms of comedic writing: I go on too long. Nattering on is nice and conversational in a journal entry (or... an FAQ), but it's not necessarily appropriate in a venue where brevity is supposed to be the soul of wit. Part of the problem is that when I do leave things out (see question above, cough), people get upset; when I wrote the book, I decided to go long on purpose, so that people would feel like they were getting their money's worth. The problem was then that professional critics pointed out (quite rightly) that the parodies would have been better if they'd been shorter. It's really hard to avoid the temptation to just outright MST something, but when you use the title "... in Fifteen Minutes," you're kind of obligated to avoid that. Over 2006 and 2007, I've tried to write more concisely, and I think the parodies overall have benefited from that.
Can you do a Fifteen Minutes for {My Favorite Movie Here}?
No.
No, seriously, why not?
Let me put it this way: there are movies I want to do that I either haven't had the time, energy, or inspiration for. There was a point where a standard 15M was about 5000 words, and that's a lot to write about a movie you don't care about, for better or worse. It's not that I won't do requests; it's that I can't. Not just because I don't have time, but because there's no guarantee I'll be able to think of anything to do with it at all.
Is there any movie you would just refuse to write about?
Comedies, out of hand. There's no point, you know? Schindler's List. Wouldn't do that. Probably could--you can still find absurdity in what the characters do, even if the filmmaking is impeccable--but wouldn't. The Passion of the Christ--there's a whole lot of absurdity there, but it's another one of those where you don't want to go there. And I won't do The Princess Bride--in case you haven't noticed, it's already a parody of a certain genre--so stop asking.
How do you write them? What's your process?
... for lack of a less pretentious word. It's weird--I've written all the online, movie-still-in-theater parodies on just one viewing, and usually no written notes (I did take notes during King Arthur). I wrote the parodies in the book after dozens of viewings of each movie on DVD. It sounds harder, but I think I actually prefer writing off one theatrical viewing--I do go home and dig up all the stills and screencaps I can find, and the occasional runthrough from The Movie Spoiler to keep myself straight, but somehow the best, clearest ideas come from working from a vaguer memory of the movie. With the umpteen DVD viewings, you get bogged down in detail--which is great, if you, and by you I mean I, decide to make the parodies in the published book run long so that people will feel they've gotten their money's worth. It's not so great if you want a clean, quick parody that new readers (or professional critics) will appreciate.
Can I write one?
Well, this is a multidimensional question here. Can you write a parody in script format? Sure; I didn't invent it. Can you write a parody called "{Whatever} in Fifteen Minutes"? I would really, really prefer that you not, if only because people will be confused as to who wrote it, and that's for your sake as much as mine. But it's also my thing, you know?
Will you read mine?
Sorry, I can't. Particularly if it's a movie I haven't done but might--I don't want there to be any room for anyone to say I stole her jokes, or even for me to do so accidentally.
Why do you post parodies online so infrequently?
In 2004, I posted eight (wow, eight? Damn) parodies of varying length and quality. In 2005, I posted one. Now, my reason for this was that I was also having a nervous breakdown trying to write ten for the book. Fortunately, it was a good one. In 2006, I posted two online, and despite people wringing their hands and asking where I was and why wasn't I posting, I would like to point out that this was double the online output of the year before. Anyway--2006 was a bad year for a lot of people, myself included, and it took me a long time to bounce back from writing the book. And now I'm trying to put a second one together--albeit in a more leisurely fashion--so there's a number of movies right there that can't be posted online.
But there's another reason as well--something I noticed as time went on. A lot of the 2004 parodies use the same internet slang, the same basic jokes, and so on. By the time I was writing the 2006 parodies, I felt like the writing was somewhat fresher. The long and short of it is, if I let enough time pass between parodies, I've given the slang of the moment and the jokes I get stuck on time to cool off. I could give you a new parody every other week--but would it be any good? How long would it take you to get sick of them?
Why won't you let people repost your parodies?
Here's the thing: if you're going to jack my work and claim that you wrote it, you know, that's bad, but you know that you're doing something wrong. The problem I have is with plagiarism by omission, if you will--posting something and just failing to mention that I wrote it. Because you know what? Maybe this is a newsflash to you, but people tend to assume the poster wrote the thing they're posting. If you take an entire parody and the whole thing and post it on a website, or a message board, or a fic archive, or WHEREVER ELSE ON GOD'S GREEN INTERNET that you so choose, it's going to lose my name somewhere along the way. The thing I don't understand is that it's so much easier to just say, "Hey guys, I saw this thing, here's a link," and just send them to m15m.livejournal.com. Why is that harder than reposting an entire 5000-word parody? Seriously, I ask you.
What do you do when people plagiarize or don't credit you?
You know, it used to be (back in my naive, early days) that I'd try to chase thieves down and ask them to take whichever parody down, or at least put my name on it. And then it got to be that I just didn't care--in large part because I could afford not to: people began to recognize my work. And see, that's a problem for you, Dear Plagiarist-by-Omission: I don't have to hear about it anymore. I have known dozens of people to email me to say that they've seen so and so reposting whatever on Livejournal or Fanfiction.net or the IMDB boards or wherever, and that they've already ratted them out to moderators. People lose their accounts over this kind of thing, y'all, and without me doing a thing. Others will see your post and gang up on you before I even hear about it, so--seriously, for your sake--don't repost my work. You're not going to gain anything by it.
So I can quote your work or link back to it?
Of course you can! Anything along the lines of "Here's this thing, and it's by Cleolinda," is perfectly fine. Here's your rule of thumb: What if this were your writing? Would you be pleased if someone quoted it, or linked to it, or liked it enough to use an icon of it? Of course you would be. Would you be happy if someone were reposting the whole thing without your name on it? Of course not.
What about icons?
What about icons?
Ah, icons. See, icons are a totally different ballgame. I love icons. Everyone loves icons! I'm perfectly okay with people taking the icons I make (why else would I have made a frillion of them?), making their own, doing whatever they want. It's in the same league as quoting or linking, both of which I'm perfectly okay with.
Why do you make them yourself? And so many of them?
Because it's fun and even kind of relaxing, the way crossword puzzles might be for other people. And finding just the right screencap is the closest I'll ever get to actually seeing an actor say the parody lines, and the appeal of that would be--I mean, beyond the obvious squee element--the idea that what you've written is funny because it's true, because you really can imagine the actor/character saying it. Thus, adding screencap icons to the mix takes it a step further--it helps people visualize the parody, and it makes me laugh.
So... what font do you use in your icons?
Silkscreen, 8 pt, with a one-pixel "stroke" outline in Photoshop.
m15m the community
Why did you move the parodies from Occupation Girl to a community?
Well, 1) people who don't really care about my day-to-day life can see only the posts about new parodies (or icons, or announcements) pop up on their friends lists (or RSS readers), and 2) more people can friend (and be friended back on) a community than a personal journal.
Do I need to friend or join the community?
If you want to watch it on your Livejournal friends list, yes. You can either friend it or join it; I'm not friends-locking parodies anymore, as it was kind of useless, so you can see all community entries whether you're friended or joined or not. You just need to friend it, minimum, for it to appear on your friends list so that updates will come to you.
It says I have to ask you about posting privileges...?
Yeah, about that: you don't get any. This is a community only in name, for the larger friending capacity. And it is a community in the sense that it's a community of readers. It is not a community, however, in the sense that more than one person posts. I post entries; you comment on them (I mean, if you feel like it). For the sake of this discussion, "posting" is what I do, and "commenting" is what you do, and you can already comment anyway.
What is the RSS feed for the community?
You can use either one. As for which reader, I use Google Reader, which is easy to use and can be set up with a Gmail account.
There's a Movies in Fifteen Minutes book?
There's a book?
And how! See Movies in Fifteen Minutes (book).
When was it published?
October 20, 2005.
How did you get a book deal?
See Movies in Fifteen Minutes (history). Short version: Because a British editor saw Troy in Fifteen Minutes online and pitched the idea of a book to me. I am completely useless in terms of giving anyone advice on how to break into the publishing industry, unless you consider "Write on the internets about things you enjoy" to be helpful.
Did you make a lot of money?
I'll be completely honest with you: I got a $10,000 advance, half on signing the contract and half on finishing the manuscript. My agent (because I went and found an agent after the editor got in touch with me, and nothing gets you an agent quite as quickly as "Hey, I already have a deal, can you help me?") got 15% of that, as is standard. In practical terms, this means that I got a check for $4200 one summer and another the next; my computer died, so I bought a new one, and I paid some of my school expenses. I have not yet earned any royalties. So keep that in mind the next time you hear an unpublished writer stick her nose in the air and say, "I'm going to turn down anything less than $100,000." It's nice, but it's not Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous by any means.
Why can't I find the book?
Well, you can find it on Amazon UK. It's available in shops around the world, and if it's not in stock, you can ask them to order it. One problem: It's not published in North America. It's a long story, but involves not a standstill on the North American rights front. I have no idea when it will be published in the U.S. or Canada, but obviously we would want it to be.
How bad is the shipping?
Very reasonable, considering. Last I checked, you're basically paying $11 for the book and about the same for shipping, depending on where you live, by the time you convert from pounds, and the shipping from Amazon UK to my house is faster than the shipping from Amazon.com. And I live in Alabama. No kidding. And the site will convert the price for you, so if you order books online anyway, it's not going to be very different from your usual experience, and it might even be a little better, AMAZON.COM.
Is Prisoner of Azkaban/Phantom of the Opera/Troy in the book?
Nope. All-new, book-only parodies.
So which movies are in the book?
Jurassic Park, Braveheart, Independence Day, Titanic, The Matrix, Gladiator, Harry Potter and the Philosopher and/or Sorcerer's Stone, Spider-Man, Star Wars: Episode II—Attack of the Clones, and Lord of the Rings (yes, all three).
Will the book parodies be online?
Well, then you would have no reason to buy the book, would you? And the more of my living I can earn by writing, the more parodies you get. It's the circle of life, or something. I did, however, put a number of excerpts online in the form of icons.
Will you sign my book?
Hon, I'll sign anything you put in front of me. Now, how we get your book to me is something I haven't worked out yet, because it seems like mailing them to me and me mailing them back is kind of expensive. I'm looking into something involving bookplate stickers, but I haven't quite gotten the printing process down yet. The way I was having people do it, though, was to mail me a SASE, and I would, in theory, mail a signed bookplate back.
What's a bookplate?
You know, it's one of those things you stick or paste into the front of a book that says something like "This book is the property of _____"?
Will you be doing signings, or going on tour?
No one has said anything about that yet, but I'll go wherever they send me, quite honestly. I'm just happy to be here.
So are you famous now?
No, I'm internet famous, which is very different. When you're internet famous, a few hundred, maybe a few thousand people know your name (but very likely not much else about you), and you could be forgotten within weeks if not days. You know that Star Wars kid video, where he was pretending he had a lightsaber? I'm like that kid, except that more people know who he is.
Will you continue to update your Livejournal?
Why would I stop? It's how I got here in the first place.
Will there be a second book?
Will there be a sequel?
I'm working on a second book with a "Sequels and Series" theme (specifically, movies from about 2004ish to 2007--i.e., the end of the first book to the present).
Which movies will be in it?
I don't really want to say at the moment--I'm leaving the list open while I see what works and what doesn't, and several of the movies will be released later in 2007 as it is. But Narnia, a Harry Potter, the last Star Wars, Batman Begins and Mission: Impossible III were always intended to go in it. Casino Royale got added once the planning stage stretched into 2007. And after the way The Prestige in Fifteen Minutes worked out, structurally speaking, I think I'm going to take a stab at the entire Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy.
So you got a second book deal?
I haven't even pitched it to anyone yet--I was always encouraged to write a second one, but after the stress of writing the first one, in which I missed something like four deadlines, I've decided to play it a little closer to the vest this time and not even try to pitch it until I've got a large chunk of the writing done. And with the movies I want to do, the last one won't even be released until December 2007 as it is.
About me
Are you British?
Yes, I get asked this. By which I mean, no, I am not. Apparently I have a... British sense of humor? Something? I have no idea why so many people ask me this, and did even before I started writing parodies. I'm in and from Alabama, people.
Well, then, why was your book put out by a British publisher?
A strange (but nice) fluke--as I've said elsewhere, it was a British editor who stumbled across Troy in Fifteen Minutes online back in 2004.
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