I just got a call from Sister Girl. Sister Girl has a bad habit of calling me from the movie theater--I hope to God she's not actually in the room with the movie playing, because I would have to shoot her on principle at that point--and asking me what the end of the movie is. (I know! Seriously!) So now she's out at Wicker Park, and she's all like, AHHHH, HOW DOES IT END?? And I'm like, look, I don't know! (I even kinda wanted to see the movie, and you didn't even ask me to go, hor!) I'd been looking up movie spoilers myself and couldn't find one for Wicker Park at all. As far as I know, the plot of the movie is that Helen of Troy is going out with Josh Hartnett and they're all happy until one day she's like, "Shit, you're not Paris!" and he's like, "Wow, blondes really are dumb," and she dumps him because, you know, she's Helen of Troy, she doesn't have to put up with that shit, and he's all broken up about it, and meanwhile Briseis is all up on his jock and he wakes up one day/night/afternoon/twilight/whatever and she's sitting over him like a freakin' vulture watching him and he's all like, "What are you DOING?" and she's all like, "I'm watching you sleep," and Josh Hartnett's like "OMG YOU ARE WRONG IN THE HEAD" and Matthew Lillard's like "Ruh-roh!" and everyone else is like, "Dude, Shaggy's all up in this?" and then Briseis probably kills everyone. I mean, I don't know. I'm just guessing.